We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
