The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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