you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
