life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
porn star boner night. come get it.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You need Xanax blowdarts
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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