Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I am puke
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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