i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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