I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
