I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
