If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
