Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
