And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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