He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
