Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
