The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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