is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
