do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
