i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
