Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
