My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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