took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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