I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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