i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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