mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
