She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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