Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
