sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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