3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
