Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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