i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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