You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
