wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
