My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
