I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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