I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Are we still banned from the library?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
