Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I cut my penus on the lid.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
