absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It's official drugs can't kill me
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize