shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
