just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
