Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
