eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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