remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
