She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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