yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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