you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
