I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
