Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
