Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
