it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
