He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
