I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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