dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
