yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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