I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
