i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
