She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize