he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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