I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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