Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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