So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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