dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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