I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
