I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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