Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
