forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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