every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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