Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
