I look better un-naked...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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