Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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