You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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