Will you blow on my dice?
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
