Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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