Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
