My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize