i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
